Vince Russo's The Brand

**WTF, (Fill In The Blank) is a series of opinionated pieces where DieHard calls into question the creative and day-to-day decisions that are arguably “bad for business”.**

I have a challenge for my fellow movie addicts out there – Sell me on James Cameron’s film, Avatar. I’ll wait….

If you’re coming at me with all the technological advances in film-making and the stunning visual graphics, then please – take this moment to stuff your opinion back up your asses where it belongs. There’s no denying the accomplishments, the first-time experience or the toys the mighty Cameron had at his disposal. There is no argument. But, I asked you to sell me on THE MOVIE…and, I’m still waiting.

You can’t! Because it f***ing SUCKS! I can’t even say that I’m tired of hearing fans and critics put it over, because they DON’T. Sure, everyone was swinging on the Avatar’s big blue balls when it came out, but that fizzled pretty fast. Don’t lecture me about it being the highest grossing film of all-time, because it damn well better be! It cost $10 per head to see it on a regular screen, $15 to see it in 3D, and over $20 to see it in IMAX. I’m not Asian, but the math adds up to a pretty big number.

Again, I do NOT take anything away from its technical accomplishments The money it earned was well deserved, and I was there with everyone else around the globe paying top dollar in 2009 to share in the experience. But after it all wore off – and believe me, it didn’t take long – it was just another movie gassed to the gills on CGI. I remember the experience, but I barely remember the movie. The experience does not hold up watching at home on a smaller screen. The story and the characters do not keep you engaged for nearly three hours. And most importantly, once the final credits role – it is easily forgettable.

Think I’m wrong? Pop Quiz motherf*ckers!

1. What is your favorite scene? – Don’t give me that sh*t about, ” I love the part when they’re flying in Pandora on those dragon-things, and then the robots come…”. That’s NOT a scene. That a faint memory.
2. Have you ever quoted it? – All great movies…All the classics…All the cool kids – spawns pop culture quotables and references. Give me ONE from Avatar.
3. After it’s 2009 release, have you ever seen any impressionable kids or adult cosplayers dressed up in full Avatar costume for Halloween or at Comic-Con? …Neither have I.
4. For the highest grossing film of all-time – where’s all the merch? Where are the action figures, video games, t-shirts, coffee mugs, lunch boxes? What is being done to keep that BRAND alive in my heart and mind? Funny thing is – the little merchandise that was available during the film’s release found its way into the bargain bin pretty fast. ZERO shelf life!
5. Is Sam Worthington the biggest star in Hollywood? When was the last time you paid to see a Sam Worthington movie? What was Sam Worthington’s last movie? Do you have any idea who Sam Worthington is?

Sam Worthington is the lead actor in Avatar who plays Jake Sully. He was the lead in Clash of the Titans and Wrath of the Titans, and was also the lead in Terminator: Salvation. Anything yet? Didn’t think so. How could the highest grossing film of all time NOT catapult its lead actor into stardom? How is he not one of the most sought after actors in Hollywood? This has nothing to do with discrediting his acting chops. Sure his career tanked on a sh*tload of poor rebooted franchise choices, but Avatar should have been the one to separate him from the rest…and it didn’t.

So why am I bitching and throwing a hissy-fit over Avatar nearly seven years after its release? Before I answer that question, let me steer off track a second to ask one more question – where’s the sequel? Highest grossing film of all time, right? Yet, no sequel?

Now, back to my regularly scheduled bitching. James Cameron announced that not only is the sequel FINALLY in full-throttle development, but there are a total of FOUR – yes, FOUR (4) – unwarranted sequels in development to be shot back-to-back-to-back-to-back. Remix that sh*t Drake!

Silence yourself for a moment. Eliminate all noise around you… Do you hear it?…Do you hear the voices begging in dire anticipation for their next dose of overgrown Smurfs?… Neither do I. You know why? Because it’s NOT f***ing there! Nobody is asking for it. It’s like anal sex – yeah you’re curious, but after you get it, you realize once was enough!

Here’s what’s going to happen- the Avatar sequel is going to fall short of expectations. I won’t say it’s going to fail, because after nearly a decade, I’m sure there will be more innovative advances in technology that James Cameron will invent and fans will be curious to experience whatever joyride is next. But, it will give them the ‘been there, done that” feeling…unless Cameron discovers a way for Zoe Saldana’s character, Neytiri, to jump off the screen and start giving us handjobs. RELAX! I said “handjobs”, NOT “blowjobs”. There’s kids in the theater! The f*** is wrong with you?

The sequel will draw some bank, but not nearly enough to shake the world. Cameron will either ponder the lackluster reactions or completely ignore it because he’ll already be balls deep into production for the third installment. And that third film WILL sh*t the bed so bad, that it will halt production on any future sequels indefinitely. The fans will quickly grow tired of the brand and the studio will grow tired of losing money simply because James Cameron has a sense of entitlement.

Don’t believe me…? Ask Peter Jackson. You don’t think he regrets taking that second tour of duty to bring you The Hobbit trilogy? Even the fans were tired of going back to Middle Earth. George Lucas almost killed Star Wars with his prequels. Luckily his franchise was so magical that it raised and inspired so many young minds into some of the talented filmmakers we have today like JJ Abrams, Neill Blomkamp, Rian Johnson, Duncan Jones and The Russo Brothers. Star Wars will continue to be passed down to generations forever. NOBODY wants Avatar passed down to them, let alone see any more of it. The ONLY person is James Cameron – simply because he can.

For the record, I love James Cameron as a filmmaker. I’ll forever be thankful for The Terminator, Aliens, True Lies, Titanic, and even the first Avatar. But he’s no spring chicken. At his age, I’d rather see him explore new adventures, instead of expecting us to tag along for a ride we have limited interest in. I’d hate for him to fall into the Michael Bay trap of Transformers, but that’s a rant for another time.

If you disagree with lack of enthusiasm for four more Avatar movies, then feel free to try and prove me wrong!

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